Kiss My Knits!

We divvy up the stuff and the sole surviving Dwarven miner starts assessing what needs to be done.

I see a passage. Aleanghi sends down the bat. There’s somebody down there, coming our way. Turns out to be gnomes. And not friendly garden gnomes, mind you. These are Svirfneblin. Gesundheit.

Palin: Palin steps out, puts her axe away, and raises her hand in greeting.
Palin: please don’t let them have the gift of flame.
GM Vaschon: The gnomes turn around and begin walking back down the passage.
Val: you hear a faint, “ooompa loompa doompady dooo”

I try to indicate that I’ll make it worth their while to talk by holding out a coin and pointing to it and to them. Next thing you know they’re shooting at me. I get out of the way and they turn around and walk off again.

Val: Lesson of the day, Gnomes hate being patronized by richer dwarves.

We decide it’s a patrol from further down the passage and any element of surprise is gone, but that’s a battle for another day. We’ve spent a freakin’ month trying to get this machinery going, and that’s where we’re going to focus, by gum.

While our Dwarven miner works on the machinery, a monstrous spider scuttles out from one of the overhead pipes. What could be another epic battle is cut short when, before the spider can do anything, I roll a natural 20 and confirm with another natural 20 for a critical hit.

GM Vaschon: Palin fires a crossbow bolt at a giant monstrous spider. She pierces the sac with a critical hit. The bolt soars through the body as the corpse of the spider falls to the ground.
Palin: Take that!
Val: …way to show off Heather
Torkal: Torkal actually pauses to clap.
GM Vaschon: That was pretty much a 1 shot kill. It had 3x the hit points than damage but you pierced a vital body part.
Val: um, lets downtweak Heather.
Palin: Don’t nerf me!

Our moment of triumph is short-lived when the GM starts mysteriously rolling dice…

GM Vaschon: oh neat….
Palin: oh neat?? I don’t think I like that.
GM Vaschon: ok… As Palin vanquishes the spider your party observes 5 of these climbing down the lift ropes…

“Five of these” are the things above. They are Duergar dwarves, which apparently hate regular Dwarves. Our Dwarven miner scuttles away in fear. We debate hiding so we can get the element of surprise. Instead:
GM Vaschon: Klyx recognizes the race and goes into a frenzy.
Val: a frenzy?
GM Vaschon: Klyx cast magic missle on a dwarf.
Val: w…wtf?
Palin: Wait, what?? One of us?
GM Vaschon: A duergar dwarf takes a deep hit with a magic missle.

So much for the element of surprise. Next round, we all attack. After my amazing shot at the spider, I decide that I can do no wrong tonight.

Palin: I’m going to shoot it – spider style!
onlinehost: Palin rolled 1 20-sided die: 1
Aleanghi: ….. Except that you are the spider.
Palin: d’oh!
GM Vaschon: Palin misteps and has a premature firing, pegging Klyx with a bolt.
Torkal: PREMATURE BOLT FIRING Torkal gives Palin some Cialis
Val: YOU PEGGED MAH BOY
Palin: oh my.
Tvini rolls the maximum possible damage to our hireling Klyx.
Palin: OH MY.
Torkal: Well done!
Aleanghi: Oh dear.
Val: and we were all about to give you the lifetime achievement award too.
Val: wtf
GM Vaschon: Klyx looks moderately wounded.
Palin: “Sorry!”

The hits keep coming. I roll another 1 later in combat, slicing into Torkal. Then Klyx stabs Aleanghi in the side.

I manage to redeem myself slightly, though.

Torkal: Palin attacks ????
Palin: The wounded dwarf? there is a wounded dwarf, right?
GM Vaschon: Vaschon: Yes
Palin hits and does 15 damage.
Val: sheez
Palin: There WAS a wounded Dwarf.
GM Vaschon: A duergar dwarf looks severely wounded.
Val: SHE can see Russia from her house.
Palin: I can SHOOT Russia from my house.

We finally kill all the duergar and stop right at midnight.

GM Vaschon: We’ll wrap here.  The dwarf miner will repair the remainder of the pipes during the camp and we’ll pick up next week from here.

And that’s what we’re doing tonight. Tune in next week to find out how we manage to nearly kill each other this time!