Kiss My Knits!

Gooood morning! Time for another episode of Death for Dummies!

While we wait for Torkal to arrive, we talk about being on a pirate ship and going to Davy Jones’ locker, which naturally leads to a discussion of the Monkees. This leads us to a realization:

Veracity: I dunno, our adventuring group IS sort of like a DnD Monkees. Remember in their show how there were always those 60s rapid motion scurrying back and forth bits, usually being chased by something?
Veracity: ….that’s so us.
Palin: So you’re saying we’re not so much getting our asses kicked as we are playing out a montage.
GM Vaschon: This is more how I viewed your party. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtD4mn9CeH4&feature=related
Veracity: There you go. That’s the optimistic way to look at our proceedings.
Palin: Veracity does have kind of a witchiepoo vibe.
Torkal has joined this chat.
Palin: Hey, there’s H.R.!

Now that H.R. Pufnstuf… I mean, Torkal has joined us, we’re off!
Glub glub!

So recapping where we left off, Torkal’s still surrounded by bees and plague and other badness. Bentein and Val should be arriving anytime. Torkal, Palin, Veracity, Aleanghi, and Joquil are hasted. Oh, did I mention Joquil? He’s an Elven ranger who was in the hold. Val found him and sent him upstairs, and now he’s helping us. There are higher level pirates in the hall, like the pilot and captain, and other assorted pirate crew scattered around.

Val and Bentein are down in the hold trying to free the prisoners and maybe rally them to our cause. The jury’s out as to whether it’s a good idea to ask a bunch of random peasants to take on the pirates on our behalf.

As for me personally, I have a raging cold and am hopped up on cough medicine. Also, Torkal keeps screaming DICKCHICKENS. I don’t know why. Just imagine that every time he attacks someone he shouts it. It’ll save me from typing it out.

There’s a kobold pirate cook flat on his back in the middle of the room, having slipped on a grease patch. There’s also an owlbear in the hall. Yeah, we can take these guys. Piece o’ cake.
Got it? Okay, here we go!

When we left off, we were trying to free some captives from a ship full of pirate slavers. We had revealed ourselves and were currently at a standoff with the enemy. There might, however, still be a chance to get out of this without violence. Hahahaha. Right.

Also, I’m not going to bother to bleep the profanity out of this, so you’ve been warned.
Super ninja owlbear pirate go time!

Hey, guess what? D&D starts back up again tomorrow! Guess I really should post some more updates from 2009, eh?

Now, before we begin Week 44, I think there are a few things we need to clear up. You may have noticed that our party is sometimes a little… unorthodox… in our methods. “But Tvini,” you may have asked, “if we can put a man on the moon, why can’t we develop a method to quantify just how freakishly incompetent this party really is?”

Well now, through the magic of mathematics, we can!

GM Vaschon: When last we left, your party had made it’s way down to the lower decks and located the first mate and bosum in the forward compartment. Palin was having a fit and rolling on the deck where the bosun was about to brain her for being unruly.

Aleanghi isn’t with us, but we’re proceeding anyway.

Palin: There were how many bad guys in the room?
GM Vaschon: There are 3 that you can see. A human firstmate, a half-orc bosun and what appears to be a human crewman on the far end of the room. There is a door to the aft, which you came in from, a ramp leading down in the center of the room and a large porthole on the starboard side of the ship.
GM Vaschon: The half-orc is about to brain Palin.
Veracity: Veracity doesn’t think that having an unconscious Palin is a good survival tactic. She pretends to stumble, being an abused slave and all, and falls into the sailor, hoping to disrupt his aim.
Val: Val stands there and thinks about selling his friends out for his own saftey versus their usefulness to him later.
GM Vaschon: Veracity ‘stumbles’ into the half-orc and the bosun brains her for her efforts.
Veracity: Oh yay.
GM Vaschon: The crewman on the far end begins to move forward to assist the bosun.
Val: Val yells at the two flippant women, “There’ll be hell to pay in the brig for your insolence!”
Palin: Chaaaarlie’s Angels…
Veracity: ((I thought Val was a slave too?))
Val: Val is a slaver
Palin: Val is the brains of the outfit. Take a moment and marvel at that.
Veracity: We’re all so dead.

Arrrr.

120809 notes

Here it is, the final D&D session of 2009! You may recall that last week we made a pathetic attempt to board the ship, thwarted by bad connections and sickness. We’ve had a week to mull over a plan, but haven’t decided on a course of action.

We discuss our choices:

GM Vaschon: Alright, when last we left our intrepid adventurers… You narrowly avoided a party wipe, cut the throat of 2 crewmen and approached the galleon seemingly undetected.
GM Vaschon: Aleanghi made it an early night, so we’ll see how it goes and go from there.
Val: she started drinking at 6?
Palin: Aleanghi’s aready gone?
GM Vaschon: Yeah, she said around 8 she was wiped.
Palin: Well I’m wiped too, but I’m still here because all you lardasses would get keelhauled otherwise.
Palin: I mean, because I can make a valuable contribution to the party.
Torkal: I’m on and off cooking dinner, but you can guarantee I’ll IM my attack on a totally innocent stranger at some point.
Veracity: Okay, wait a moment. We’re short the cleric and the mage, and one of the killer dwarfs is off eating omelettes, right? Just wanted to be clear before we go forth to die (g)
Palin: I hate to say it, but I’m not doing so great either. This might not be the best night for a major excursion.
Palin: Because I have a feeling this is going to be awesome and I want to be alert and not in danger of crashing.
Palin: And by awesome I mean hilariously disastrous.
Val: we could try to keep things nonconfrontational.
Torkal: I’m good with whatever you guys want to do. I’d rather not proceed if we’re down three people (no Bentein either).

We hate to give up on the evening, so we decide to take things low-key and avoid mayhem. We’re not exactly playing to our strengths there. However, we still have to figure out how to get onto the boat, and since we talk everything to death, that may take all night anyway.

GM Vaschon: You are on the port side of the ship. There is a rope ladder leading up. You noticed a lookout in the center mast’s crows nest. You learned that there is at least one person on deck. The time is roughly 2 am.

Val: so we either pretend to be bringing prisoners on…or we knock heads out quietly. Explain to anyone who is curious that a fight broke out and we narrowly escaped and that’s why we’re missing the two crewmen
Val: I think we might as well try keeping up the charade. I mean, the best way conceivably to climb up into the boat would be the ladder anyway, and they might notice us coming up on that.
Veracity: I have to say, I think it is quite unlikely anyone on the ship is going to buy our story (g)
Val: if we attack someone, chances are if we don’t knock em out right away we’ll be found out
Val: and i bet there’s a bell.
Palin: How many crew do we think are on a ship this size?
GM Vaschon: The crewman that Veracity seduced stated roughly 24, give or take.
Veracity: Hey. Hypnotized, please 😛 Hypnotized!
Val: hm we could take that spread out
Palin: That’s what she said.
Val: but then of course we also need to figure out do we attack or wait until we reach our destination?
Val: if there are prisoners we can potentially use them to aid us
Palin: Well, we could try to capture one quietly and have him call up a couple at a time. We’re so good at capturing people quietly.
Torkal has left this chat.
Palin: Oh, man.

It just gets worse and worse. We talk for a while, but finally, we decide that it’s no good. Torkal’s lost connection, we’re down a mage and a cleric, and then I lose connection… it’s just not in the cards. So we call it a night. It just goes to show you, not every week is a winner. Next week… rested and refreshed, we board the ship!

GM Vaschon: Your party is in town, and its mid-evening, roughly 10pm. The weather is calm and cloudy.

We go to the local tavern, where Aleanghi tries to get a room and I try to bum a few coins from Torkal on account of Klyx having stolen my purse.

Palin: “If I ever find that thieving scabrous little kobold again I will rip him a new steal-hole.”

Veracity, having gone ahead and gotten a bath, rejoins us, smelling great. Aleanghi slips me a few coins, possibly out of pity, possibly in appreciation for my ragging on Veracity’s new fancy smell.

Veracity: Veracity says genially, “You too could smell less middenheapish, my short and smelly friend. The bathhouse is still open for business. And they have a shallow end.”
Palin: “I don’t take your meaning.”
GM Vaschon: You stank
Veracity: “It is too deep for you.” Veracity nods at Palin and then says, “So what are we doing tonight?”
Palin: Stank is in the nose of the beholder.
Aleanghi: (quietly) Bathing right before we go to a probable fight doesn’t make much sense.
GM Vaschon: Yes, you’ll see one of those soon 🙂
So true.

GM Vaschon: ok! When last we left our band of misfits… Your party returned to the spot where the lift was supposed to be
GM Vaschon: But appears not to be!
GM Vaschon: Palin, the beardless Dwarf is still under the effects of a mortal wound
GM Vaschon: You are at the intersection of a corridor. There is a passage leading North, East and South.

Since we’re not where we think we should be, we try to get our bearings.
Cats, zombies, thieves, behind the cut!