Feeling down.
Yesterday my daughter had a hard time in school. Her teacher wrote:
“Not sure what was going on today. Came in and seemed a little off. Got very upset because Tania was absent today and for almost an hour she repeated “Where is Tania?” We talked at length about it and finally calmed her down. The rest of the day she cried on and off and would not participate in academic tasks. Repeatedly yelled that she wanted to go home. She was the bathroom monitor today and she started screaming in the bathroom that she wanted to go home. Such a contrast to yesterday so told her that we will definitely have a green tomorrow.”
She had been talking the day before about wanting Tania to invite her to her house. Tania’s her best friend in school. Last year at the end of the year, I sent home a note with Tania for her mother telling her that we’d love to see Tania over the summer and take her to get ice cream or something and included ways to contact me, but I never got a response. Combine that with 2005’s birthday party disaster and I don’t have high hopes for friendship outside of school with the other kids in her class. My daughter talks about seeing her cousins and playing hide and seek with them, and really wants to see them again. Unfortunately, they live in Raleigh so it’s tough to manage.
I think this is a need for my daughter that’s not being met, the desire to have friends outside of school. I don’t know what to do about this, though. My impression from casual research is that most of the ‘Mommy and Me’ type groups are for toddlers, so at this point I’m not sure where to find other kids her age for her to be with. And, of course, she’s got other challenges that make it hard for her to connect. But if she really wants to, then I want for her to have the opportunity to try.
I’m not the most extroverted person in the world, and I don’t have any friends who have kids her age. Also, I don’t think I’m like most of the stay-at-home moms who go to the playgroups, but I can definitely fake it if I have to for my child to get what she needs. I just am at a loss as to how to begin to handle this problem.
I knew any kid of mine would be introverted, I just didn’t anticipate all this. I guess nobody can really anticipate the challenges that parenthood brings, though.
The weather was clear and cool this morning, so I took a brisk two mile walk while listening to NPR’s “Wait Wait, Don’t Tell Me” to lift my spirits, and I’m going to have a bowl of cereal and polish off the half of a raspberry mocha that I saved from last night. Then I’ll finish watching Orson Welles’ “Lady from Shanghai” with the excellent commentary track that I didn’t get to finish yesterday. Getting to bed on time tonight will help, too. Letting my brain off the hook for a while may help me approach the situation from a new angle. And, as always, I’m open to suggestion. I hate thinking about this stuff sometimes, but a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do!
ETA: Had a lovely IM conversation with
Jesus. I read the birthday post, and then this. You have the toughest kid. That’s all I’ll say. Is there any kind of activity that she’s involved in? We’ve sent Girlchild 1 to dance class for a bit, before that fell through, but she really took to soccer and tee ball. Do you think yours would be interested in something like that?
Jesus. I read the birthday post, and then this. You have the toughest kid. That’s all I’ll say. Is there any kind of activity that she’s involved in? We’ve sent Girlchild 1 to dance class for a bit, before that fell through, but she really took to soccer and tee ball. Do you think yours would be interested in something like that?
Good point. She enjoyed her dance class last year and asked to go back. She prefers the dance class for “special” kids more than the “regular” dance camp she went to over the summer, but it’s the same difficulty we face in a lot of places. She’s not ready for the regular classes (no, really) but she’s too normal for the ‘special’ classes. Some of those kids hit and leave the building unexpectedly, and one takes off her clothes sometimes. These aren’t behaviors I want my daughter bringing home.
You’re right, though, some kind of extracurricular activity would be good. I guess I need to investigate and see what might work.
Good point. She enjoyed her dance class last year and asked to go back. She prefers the dance class for “special” kids more than the “regular” dance camp she went to over the summer, but it’s the same difficulty we face in a lot of places. She’s not ready for the regular classes (no, really) but she’s too normal for the ‘special’ classes. Some of those kids hit and leave the building unexpectedly, and one takes off her clothes sometimes. These aren’t behaviors I want my daughter bringing home.
You’re right, though, some kind of extracurricular activity would be good. I guess I need to investigate and see what might work.
Again, good for you for raising such a together kid. I remember how I was at her age and I would have completely just lost it.
Again, good for you for raising such a together kid. I remember how I was at her age and I would have completely just lost it.
My cousin works with autistic kids in Columbia, but her mom is there in Charlotte. She might know of something in the area for kids on your honey’s level that would make her feel more included. I can ask if you want.
Also, I don’t know if it would work for you, but I take my kids to public playgrounds frequently. We hit McDonald’s, our mall has an indoor playground, and weather permitting we hit parks. There are two advantages to this. She has the opportunity to meet lots of different kids without you having to host them at your house and generally speaking, their parents are present so if she really connects with someone, you can walk over to their parent, laugh about how strange it is you are approaching them and then ask if they are up for a playdate. We’ve had a couple of playdates this way and it’s always fun. And the nice thing about playgrounds is you can take your knitting or a book and just keep yourself busy while she plays.
My other suggestion would be seeing if anyone in S&B or any other group you might get together with has a kid her age. Nothing is more fun than getting your kid together with one whose parent has something in common with you. 😀
My cousin works with autistic kids in Columbia, but her mom is there in Charlotte. She might know of something in the area for kids on your honey’s level that would make her feel more included. I can ask if you want.
Also, I don’t know if it would work for you, but I take my kids to public playgrounds frequently. We hit McDonald’s, our mall has an indoor playground, and weather permitting we hit parks. There are two advantages to this. She has the opportunity to meet lots of different kids without you having to host them at your house and generally speaking, their parents are present so if she really connects with someone, you can walk over to their parent, laugh about how strange it is you are approaching them and then ask if they are up for a playdate. We’ve had a couple of playdates this way and it’s always fun. And the nice thing about playgrounds is you can take your knitting or a book and just keep yourself busy while she plays.
My other suggestion would be seeing if anyone in S&B or any other group you might get together with has a kid her age. Nothing is more fun than getting your kid together with one whose parent has something in common with you. 😀
Also, art lessons are a good way to throw kids together and have them form relationships. I was in art for ten years, and made some life-long friends that way. Nothing bonds you like having to share the Titian Blue!
Also, art lessons are a good way to throw kids together and have them form relationships. I was in art for ten years, and made some life-long friends that way. Nothing bonds you like having to share the Titian Blue!
Man, Girl Scouts was a fantastic idea. I’m jealous.
Man, Girl Scouts was a fantastic idea. I’m jealous.
Considering her fine motor control issues, it would have to be pretty laid-back art, but that might not be a problem in a group for seven-year-olds.
Considering her fine motor control issues, it would have to be pretty laid-back art, but that might not be a problem in a group for seven-year-olds.
Definately not a problem. There were several kids there with motor issues in my class. They didn’t do things like sculpture, but did things where they could be messy and have it end up okay.
Definately not a problem. There were several kids there with motor issues in my class. They didn’t do things like sculpture, but did things where they could be messy and have it end up okay.
Sure, feel free to talk to your mom.
None of the other ladies in my S&B has kids. In fact, I may be the only married one. How did I become “the old knitter” at age 37?
Sure, feel free to talk to your mom.
None of the other ladies in my S&B has kids. In fact, I may be the only married one. How did I become “the old knitter” at age 37?
Girl Scouts is a wonderful idea. I’d also suggest looking into a youth soccer league. I put Donovan on a church leage team, because they were far less competitive and more about the kids learning and having a good time. I was kinda sneaky and didn’t tell the coaches about his “challenges” at first because I didn’t want them treating him any differently. I of course never missed a practice and got kudos as volunteer mom. ::chuckle:: But it turned out to be a wonderful experience for him. Eventually I did clue in the coach who turned out to be a great guy. Donovan never became the “best” player on the team but his coach often said he wished he had a dozen just like him for sheer enthusiasm. To this day Donovan keeps his soccer tophies on display and the experience was a very good one for his sense of self.
Soccer was a good choice for him because it doesn’t require a great deal of fine motor control, yet there is a structure to it to follow. There are also times of running chaoticly up and down the field – which he thought was fantastic. It took developing some key phrases to help him stay on task during the game – but overall the skills her aquired while playing have benefited him in a multitude of ways since.
Girl Scouts is a wonderful idea. I’d also suggest looking into a youth soccer league. I put Donovan on a church leage team, because they were far less competitive and more about the kids learning and having a good time. I was kinda sneaky and didn’t tell the coaches about his “challenges” at first because I didn’t want them treating him any differently. I of course never missed a practice and got kudos as volunteer mom. ::chuckle:: But it turned out to be a wonderful experience for him. Eventually I did clue in the coach who turned out to be a great guy. Donovan never became the “best” player on the team but his coach often said he wished he had a dozen just like him for sheer enthusiasm. To this day Donovan keeps his soccer tophies on display and the experience was a very good one for his sense of self.
Soccer was a good choice for him because it doesn’t require a great deal of fine motor control, yet there is a structure to it to follow. There are also times of running chaoticly up and down the field – which he thought was fantastic. It took developing some key phrases to help him stay on task during the game – but overall the skills her aquired while playing have benefited him in a multitude of ways since.
I also think scouting is a great idea. My son just started Tiger Cubs, and there are a couple of kids in the pack who are clearly struggling with more than just “first grade social skills.” No one seems to make a big deal of it, just slows down and makes sure that all the kids are moving in the same direction and giving things their best shot.
I also think scouting is a great idea. My son just started Tiger Cubs, and there are a couple of kids in the pack who are clearly struggling with more than just “first grade social skills.” No one seems to make a big deal of it, just slows down and makes sure that all the kids are moving in the same direction and giving things their best shot.