Kiss My Knits!

GM Vaschon: When last we left our intrepid adventurers, the party of Palin and Torkal discovered the bodies of Ale, Bentein, Veracity, Val and Klyx laying dormant on stone slabs.
Veracity: Not even snoring.
Bentein: I can RP dormant 🙂
GM Vaschon: A small alcove was searched out and opening the rotted door revealed a long chamber lined with figures on both walls and a figure at the far end seated at what appeared to be a desk filled with alchemical supplies.
Veracity: Quick, shoot him in the back before he notices you.
GM Vaschon: On the west side of the wall rest 4 fleshy statues and 3 fleshy statues on the east side. Glancing quickly, you notice 1 elf, 1 half-elf, 2 humans, 1 goblin, 1 kobold and 1 dwarf.
Torkal: Torkal will look to Palin, then look around, then helpfully call out, “Hello?”
Palin: Oh, lordy, did you just call out “hello” to the villain?
Torkal: Yes. Yes, I did.
Palin: I see we haven’t lost our edge during our absence.

The villain (pictured right) doesn’t even look up from his work. Torkal sees something we hadn’t noticed before.

Torkal: Torkal says quietly to Palin, “Each of the figures in the alcoves — look at their heads. There’s a yellow gemstone there. That’s got to have significance. What if we took them off the ones that match our unconscious friends?”
Aleanghi: Dude, D&D has forehead gems too?
Palin: HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!
GM Vaschon: heh
Aleanghi: 🙂
Torkal: Less spammy, and apparently even the men wear these ones.

(It’s funny if you play Dragonrealms. Everybody else, just move along.)

We decide to remove Aleanghi’s forehead gem. It resists our attempts. I check the bodies on the slabs. No change. Torkal, always a man of action, has had about enough of this. As I say, we have not lost our edge.

Torkal: My “edge” is randy for some loving. If you get what I’m saying.
Torkal: And by “edge” I mean axe. And by “randy” I mean I’ve named it Randy.
Torkal: So stop thinking dirty.
Palin: Whew.

GM Vaschon: Torkal walks 30′ closer and is stopped by a wall of force.
Torkal: “What!?”
Torkal: Torkal calls out, “Hey! You!”
GM Vaschon: The figure appears either unaware or uninterested.
Torkal: This is Torkal. —–>
Palin: Torkal should be so lucky.
Torkal: Torkal examines the figure from his closer distance. Anything of note?
GM Vaschon: Torkal sees the back of what appears to be a human, wearing a cloak and wide hat.
Torkal: Generic evil dude.
Torkal: Torkal turns around and goes back to Palin. “The gems won’t come off the statues, he doesn’t care about us.”
Palin: There are more statues than bodies.
Torkal: Yeah. But all of them have gems on them.
Torkal: Torkal takes out his pickaxe.
Aleanghi: DUDE.
Torkal: I’m sure that this won’t get any worse than Veracity shooting Val.
Veracity: That was the high point of my gaming experience to date.
Palin: And so say all of us.

Palin: Try it on one of the ones we don’t know. If we kill one of those, we won’t know what happens with the body, but he might get pissed that we’re messing with his stuff.
Palin: Wait, what’s my alignment?
Torkal: My character sheet says chaotic good, but I promise you I’ve been so much more.
Torkal: Torkal goes to the goblin statue.
Torkal: Torkal taps the gem with his pickaxe — very lightly.
GM Vaschon: Torkal is jolted with an electrical shock for 10 points of damage. All of the statues’ eyes suddenly flare open.
Torkal: It’s cool. We can kill them all. I’m kind of in that mood, tonight.
Veracity: They are about to lurch forward with arms outstretched like the Mummy….
Aleanghi: (Braaaaaaaaaaaaaainssssssssssss……………..)

GM Vaschon: You hear a ‘sizzle’ coming from the wall of force.
Palin: Palin looks toward the wall of force.
GM Vaschon: The cloaked figure is facing you.
Palin: “Excuse me, your statues are moving.”
Torkal: A+ was about to say something jerk-ass like that, too.
Palin: The Dwarf twins strike again.
GM Vaschon: The figure replies, “Come to join them?”
Palin: Palin’s getting her club back out again.
Palin: “Come a little closer, let’s talk about it.”
GM Vaschon: The Val-statue pulls out a familiar looking wand.
GM Vaschon: The Veracity-statue pulls out a crossbow.
GM Vaschon: The Ale-statue prepares a spell. A large flaming ball appears in the corridor.
GM Vaschon: The Bentein-statue pulls out a morning star.
GM Vaschon: The Klyx-statue pulls out a dagger.
GM Vaschon: The goblin-statue pulls out a scimitar.
GM Vaschon: The dwarf-statue hefts a large mining axe.
Palin: CRAP.

Below: The DM’s link to the villain’s resulting evil laugh. And that’s all I have time for right now. Tune in later!