{"id":1506,"date":"2006-10-01T12:20:00","date_gmt":"2006-10-01T16:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/?p=1506"},"modified":"2006-10-01T12:20:00","modified_gmt":"2006-10-01T16:20:00","slug":"monstera-the-quickening","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/?p=1506","title":{"rendered":"Monstera:  The Quickening!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><center><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.tvini.org\/images\/misc\/monstera\/monsteraremnants.jpg\" \/ height=\"225\" border=\"2\"><\/p>\n<p>AIEEEE!!  It&#8217;s escaped!!<\/center><\/p>\n<p>Oh, no.  Wait.  False alarm.  It just ripened.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.tvini.org\/images\/misc\/monstera\/monstera30.jpg\" \/ border=\"2\" height=\"300\" align=\"left\"><\/p>\n<p>Texture:  creamy, firm, and pockmarked, like the love child of a plantain and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.imdb.com\/name\/nm0001579\/\">Edward James Olmos.<\/a>  Odor:  Extremely strong tropical fruit smell.  Like the Dole factory floor in July.<\/p>\n<p>At this point, it&#8217;s ready to eat.  Unfortunately, we were booked up all day yesterday and didn&#8217;t have time to set up containment facilities required by the protocols for dealing with extraterrestrial fruits.  It&#8217;s in the refrigerator, loosely tied in a plastic shopping bag.  Hopefully the cold will slow its growth.  Hey, it worked for <a href=\"http:\/\/www.imdb.com\/title\/tt0051418\/\">The Blob.<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Tonight, we&#8217;ll perform the surgery.  God help us all.<br \/>\n<br clear=all><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>AIEEEE!! It&#8217;s escaped!! Oh, no. Wait. False alarm. It just ripened. Texture: creamy, firm, and pockmarked, like the love child of a plantain and Edward James Olmos. Odor: Extremely strong tropical fruit smell. Like the Dole factory floor in July. At this point, it&#8217;s ready to eat. Unfortunately, we were booked up all day yesterday [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[92],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1506"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1506"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1506\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1506"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1506"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1506"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}