\nI feel frustrated because I don’t enjoy being a girl scout leader, and while I can ask if anybody else can step up, if they don’t then I face the options of either continuing on or disbanding the troop, neither of which is what I’d like to have happen.<\/p>\n
I worry that although I’ve raised $1000 for Emily’s school via Donors Choose,<\/a> there’s always still the chance that neither proposal will be fully funded, meaning the cash will go to somebody else’s school depending on what option all the donors chose. And that’s fine, don’t get me wrong, but still a little disappointing. I feel like a Grinch saying that. I can’t continue the offer of Jayne hats<\/a> for charity indefinitely, as it of course costs me money to make those, so it’s not just a loss of profits, it’s an actual loss.<\/p>\n I’ve been trying to find time for the last three days to finish watching this one episode of Deep Space Nine, but keep getting interrupted and never have the time. Right now the TV’s been commandeered for another showing of Frosty the Snowman. It just feels symbolic of the lack of time I feel I have for myself. I could use a good weekend on my own.<\/p>\n The Jayne hat list is crazy long and there are side projects I’ve promised to friends and family that are getting neglected, which makes me feel bad. Heck, there’s still someone out there who hasn’t gotten their Christmas present, and it’s wrapped and sitting right here within view.<\/p>\n I think the biggest thing, the thing that’s coloring all of the above, is that I’m not sleeping well. I didn’t really know why until I woke up in the middle of the night (not unusual) and realized I’d been having a bad dream about Pat. I didn’t realize it was affecting me unconsciously that much, I thought I had a good handle on things. Of course I didn’t. It was foolish of me to think I could compartmentalize something like that into a tidy little package.<\/p>\n On the up side, I did raise $1000, thanks to the generosity of my friends and fellow Browncoats. They’re good people.<\/p>\n And I had a lovely dinner with my friend last night. Afterwards, we wound up at the Books-A-Million where I normally go to knit night. The barista told me that they really like knit nights, because it’s kind of slow in there sometimes and our group is very entertaining.<\/p>\n My husband is being very sweet tonight, volunteering to make cookies (with his new stand mixer!) and help Emily with her bath so that I can get a break, which he can tell I need. He’s another tally in the plus column.<\/p>\n It’s not all doom and gloom. Maybe a good night’s sleep will set things to right again.
\n
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