{"id":1008,"date":"2006-10-02T19:13:00","date_gmt":"2006-10-02T23:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/?p=1008"},"modified":"2006-10-02T19:13:00","modified_gmt":"2006-10-02T23:13:00","slug":"monsteras-revenge","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/?p=1008","title":{"rendered":"Monstera&#8217;s REVENGE!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><!--more Think I'm kidding with the title?  Click here and see!--><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.tvini.org\/images\/misc\/monstera\/cuttingmonstera1.jpg\" align=\"left\" border=\"2\" height=\"250\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.tvini.org\/images\/misc\/monstera\/cuttingmonstera2.jpg\" align=\"right\" border=\"2\" height=\"250\"><\/p>\n<p>Last night, we set up facilities to dissect the monstera!  I was hopeful that the refrigerator had cooled it into suspended animation.<\/p>\n<p>My able assistant Mr. Tvini began the process of removing the juicy flesh from the center core.  Mwahahahaaaaa!<\/p>\n<p>Faster, pussycat, kill, kill!<\/p>\n<p><br clear=all><br \/>\n<center><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.tvini.org\/images\/misc\/monstera\/guttedmonstera.jpg\" border=\"2\" height=\"300\"><\/center><br \/>\nA very small taste of the flesh revealed that it was&#8230; good!  Mr. Tvini pronounced it &#8220;too sweet&#8221; for his tastes, as if we&#8217;d let it go a little too long, but my sweet tooth is legendary, and I was undaunted.  However, I feared that the monstera might yet rise from the grave to take its revenge, so I decided to blend the bejeebers out of it, just in case.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.tvini.org\/images\/misc\/monstera\/monsterainablender.jpg\" align=\"left\" border=\"2\" height=\"215\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.tvini.org\/images\/misc\/monstera\/monsterashake.jpg\" align=\"right\" border=\"2\" height=\"215\">And so, it went in our food processor along with half a cup of yogurt, a little soy milk, about a half cup of orange juice, and a handful of frozen blueberries.  You know, to dilute the evilness.  Two minutes later, the vile creature from beyond the stars had been reduced to a delicious smoothie.<\/p>\n<p>I took a sip.  Not bad!  Kind of got a little caught in my throat, though.  The second sip still tasted good, but my throat felt a little more rough.  Maybe I swallowed wrong?  I took a third sip.  Now my throat was distinctly itchy.<\/p>\n<p>Needless to say, I stopped drinking.<br \/>\n<br clear=all><br \/>\nI poked around the internet and found <a href=\"http:\/\/www.floridata.com\/ref\/m\/mons_del.cfm\">this site<\/a>.  At the end, it says: <i>WARNING:  All parts of Monstera deliciosa are poisonous except the ripe fruits. The plant contains oxalic acid and <u>even the ripe fruits may be an irritant to particularly sensitive people.<\/u><\/i><\/p>\n<p>Apparently, I&#8217;m &#8220;particularly sensitive&#8221; because twenty minutes later, my throat was still itchy.  I drank some milk, which didn&#8217;t really help.  So I pulled out the big guns and made <a href=\"http:\/\/cookie.allrecipes.com\/az\/BodcsBrwns.asp\">brownies from scratch<\/a>.  That got it.  Nothing in the universe can conquer the power of chocolate.<\/p>\n<p>Actually, truth to tell, I was still a little sore in the morning.  Not like &#8220;I swallowed a lemon zester&#8221; sore, more like &#8220;I drank orange juice with a raw throat&#8221; sore.<\/p>\n<p>So, summing up.  Its liquefied remains may be in my trash can, but the menace from beyond the stars did win a Pyrrhic victory.  It was, however, tasty until it began eating away at my esophageal lining.  I&#8217;ll leave it to you to decide whether you want to wade into battle with the monstera.<\/p>\n<p><center> <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.tvini.org\/images\/misc\/monstera\/monsteraface.jpg\" border=\"2\" height=\"300\"><br \/>\n<i>&#8220;Mmmm!  Tastes like doom!&#8221;<\/i><\/center><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1008"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1008"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1008\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1008"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1008"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kissmyknits.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1008"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}