Kiss My Knits!

…but I didn’t exactly help. It’s this baby hat pattern from Crystal Palace, calling for their extremely soft and chunky “Poof” yarn. It’s kind of like Berroco’s “Plush” on steroids with dark hair growth as a side effect. I realized last night that a friend was throwing a birthday party for her 1-year-old daughter and I had nothing, and I wanted to do something slightly different than the 50 bazillion Jayne hats I’ve done mostly in a row. The pattern calls for size 13 needles, so I knew it would be quick. Unfortunately, I made some basic mistakes.

Mistake number one: don’t check the math. The pattern calls for 48 stitches cast on to size 13 needles. But the ball band clearly says that on needle sizes 11-17, you’ll get something like 1.5 to 2.5 stitches per inch. So we’re looking at something like 48 stitches divided by 2 stitches per inch coming out to about 24 inches. That’s a size large adult head. I knew as I was casting on that it was looking pretty big, but I knitted it up anyway, only to realize it was hella big. So I dropped it down to 36 stitches per inch and gave it another go. Yeah, that didn’t help. You know how you wonder in school when you’ll ever use the math they’re teaching you? Well, this would have been a good time to use it.

Mistake number two: don’t check the resources. The pattern also looked awfully short. Two inches of brim, but that doesn’t matter because the picture shows it turned up. So the pattern really is relying on 4 inches of length to cover a baby’s head. I’m looking at it and thinking, “that’s pretty short, I’ll add another inch.” So now, after everything is over, I check my copy of Ann Budd’s “the knitter’s handy book of Patterns” and see that it really should have been more like 6.5 inches. Oops.

Mistake number three: Don’t trust your gut. I went ahead with something that I was already dubious about when I was on a deadline. I got an unexpected call this morning from my in-laws saying they were going to be in town in about a half hour, would we like to have lunch? It was 11:30 and the party was at two, but we don’t see them that often and couldn’t turn that down, even though I knew it would put me behind schedule. So I had the nearly finished hat (which I was still trying to deny was sucky) and was making pompoms in the car. The pompoms turned out looking very ratty. In the sense of chewed by rats. If there’s one thing I know how to do by now, it’s make a $#(*) pompom, so I don’t know if it was the yarn or the pompom gods deserting me.

We met the in-laws at the mall, and they took us all over the mall and bought many nice, thoughtful gifts for our daughter, for which we are quite grateful. However, I was now very behind schedule, and knew we’d have to go straight from the mall to the party. So in the car, I knitted a small square, rolled it up, and stuck it to the corner in place of a pompom.

Then we were parking the car for the party, and I was out of time. I had to look at the hat and realize that there was no way this hat was going to do as a gift. It was short. It was wide. There was really no point in even bothering to attach the other pompom. So we went giftless.

Here’s what the hat looked like. Keep in mind, it’s on a large six-year-old here, and was meant to fit a one-year-old.

ALL of this could have been avoided if I had stopped and thought for two minutes instead of going, “well… I dunno… I guess they know what they’re talking about.”

Basically, it looks cute in the example pic on straw.com, but I cannot see how they got that result with that pattern. To my eye, the entire thing needs to be reworked to make mathematical sense. I could rework it pretty easily now that I’ve examined it, but at this point I’m peeved and not sure it’s worth it.

I’m tempted to say “the hell with it” and just make them a baby Jayne hat. They’re geeks, they’ll appreciate it. I’ve got some Cotton Fleece which is more kid-friendly, and people asking for a toddler-sized version of the hat and kit. I guess I can make the giftee the guinea pig. Thank goodness the Posh was already in my stash, so I’m only out time and not freshly-spent money.

Moral of the story: When it comes to knitting (and everything else), examine what’s in front of you with a critical eye. You’ve got a brain for a reason. Use it.