Kids and death
Em: Do you have a friend who died? (she knows I do, so this is just a conversation starter for her)
Me: Yes, her name was Pat. I’m very sad that she died, but I’m happy that I got to know her.
Em: Do you miss her?
Me: Yes, I do. I wish she were still alive.
Em: Why do you miss her?
Me: Well, I miss talking with her, and doing things with her. I think about her laugh and I wish I could hear it again. I miss her very much.
Em: Why did she die?
Me: She had a disease called cancer, and it made her very sick and finally killed her. Not everybody who gets cancer dies. Grandma had it, and she got better. But Pat didn’t.
Em: How old was she?
Me: I’m not sure. She was older than I was. 50 maybe?
Em:…
Em:…
Em: How old are you?
Me: I’m 40. That’s still young, I have many years left before I die.
Then Em changes the subject. I have no idea what put this in her mind. I’m going to be misty eyed for the rest of the evening, but I’m happy that Em is able to express thoughts that complex.
I recently found out my good friend’s 3 year old daughter has inoperable cancer. I talk to her on the phone pretty frequently. She’s a very bright girl. My friend told me that when she saw him crying, even though they hadn’t full explained what all of this meant, she told him to stop crying because she’d always be in his heart.
Kids of crazing insightful. I’m always impressed with how insightful Emily is – especially given what some would call “set backs.”
(And I love her art.)
I recently found out my good friend’s 3 year old daughter has inoperable cancer. I talk to her on the phone pretty frequently. She’s a very bright girl. My friend told me that when she saw him crying, even though they hadn’t full explained what all of this meant, she told him to stop crying because she’d always be in his heart.
Kids of crazing insightful. I’m always impressed with how insightful Emily is – especially given what some would call “set backs.”
(And I love her art.)
A thinking kid
Heather, Emily is amazing to come to you when she’s thinking about something and you answer her (so she understands) and I AM SO FREAKIN GLAD you didn’t hound her to ask WHY she was asking you about it. I wish adults would remember that! Sheesh. How many times I am asking someone something and it bites me in the butt every time when they want to know WHY. Sometimes my brain just has questions. Pat yourself on the shoulder, Heather! You’re a great mom! Uh, just one thing, you allow WIRE hangers in your closets? LOL
A thinking kid
Heather, Emily is amazing to come to you when she’s thinking about something and you answer her (so she understands) and I AM SO FREAKIN GLAD you didn’t hound her to ask WHY she was asking you about it. I wish adults would remember that! Sheesh. How many times I am asking someone something and it bites me in the butt every time when they want to know WHY. Sometimes my brain just has questions. Pat yourself on the shoulder, Heather! You’re a great mom! Uh, just one thing, you allow WIRE hangers in your closets? LOL
Re: A thinking kid
Heh. Sometimes I do want to know why, and on those occasions I ask. It’s hard for her to answer “why” questions sometimes, so I don’t push too hard. I don’t know why she started thinking about it in the first place, since all we were doing was hanging out in the den, but it’s pretty clear that her thoughts went along the lines “Mom had a friend who died. Therefore, people who are Mom’s age could die. Continuing that logic, could Mom die?”
She seemed especially curious about me missing my friend. She’s been fortunate enough not to have anyone near her pass away, so I don’t think she really understands what it means to miss someone like that. I don’t think that’s a function of her PDD, though, I think it’s just a function of being ten years old.
Re: A thinking kid
Heh. Sometimes I do want to know why, and on those occasions I ask. It’s hard for her to answer “why” questions sometimes, so I don’t push too hard. I don’t know why she started thinking about it in the first place, since all we were doing was hanging out in the den, but it’s pretty clear that her thoughts went along the lines “Mom had a friend who died. Therefore, people who are Mom’s age could die. Continuing that logic, could Mom die?”
She seemed especially curious about me missing my friend. She’s been fortunate enough not to have anyone near her pass away, so I don’t think she really understands what it means to miss someone like that. I don’t think that’s a function of her PDD, though, I think it’s just a function of being ten years old.
I’m amazed too! When I think back to how she couldn’t say the word “no” until she was three, I’m astounded at how far she’s come. When I start feeling down, I look back at those days and remind myself of how much she’s already accomplished.
Thanks on the art. I love it too, but I’m obviously biased. 🙂
I’m amazed too! When I think back to how she couldn’t say the word “no” until she was three, I’m astounded at how far she’s come. When I start feeling down, I look back at those days and remind myself of how much she’s already accomplished.
Thanks on the art. I love it too, but I’m obviously biased. 🙂