Kiss My Knits!

I want to run today, and it’s not going to get above 50. I saw this coming last week, when the weather forecast turned bleak for the week. I wanted to keep running through the winter, and I only had one pair of good shorts and one good t-shirt, so last weekend I went shopping for cool weather running gear.

Now, we fuller-figured gals know that shopping for clothes anytime can be unpleasant. When I was a size 8, everything fit me perfectly and I could get in and out of a store in 15 minutes. Now that I’m… uh… no longer a size 8, it takes longer and I tend to get a little “HULK SMASH!” But I wanted to keep running, and I didn’t want to get hypothermia, so there was nothing for it.

I got very, very excited when I saw this little blue number on the hanger. Why? Because it would be so, so easy to pair it with black leggings (with shorts over, I’m not ready to shake my moneymaker quite that publicly) and then to sew a little Star Trek insignia on the chest. Presto! I’m a science/medical officer on the Enterprise, out for a morning jog.

The outfit is pictured at right. One hand is making the Vulcan salute and the other is apparently holding some kind of futuristic glowing power device. Or possibly a camera with a flash. Never let my valor be questioned, for lo, there is no bravery like that of a woman who displays what she looks like under the dressing room bulbs of death. “There Are Four Lights!”

What? I’m a great big geek! And I figure if sewing on the insignia makes me want to suit up and run, then it’s a good thing. Alas, even in size XL, this was far too clingy. I hadn’t realized when I put it on that it was compression gear. Supposedly it’s good for the circulation and muscles, but looking online, my suspicions that it’s more of a marketing ploy may be valid. Besides, neither I nor the world are ready for the sight of me bouncing down the street in skintight lycra.

The second thing about the compression gear is that it wasn’t so much that it didn’t fit because of my stomach, it was my bosom. Do big-chested ladies not run? What’s the deal, clothing manufacturers? It’s not like I have to special order my bras; I wear a regular size. I’m just, as my mother would say, “womanly.” Seriously, I’m not out there to show off the girls, I’m out there to exercise!

After trying on a few more things, I could feel a good head of steam building up. I was ready to let loose with a rant about how if you’re already in good shape, then your options are limitless. But God help you if you’re on the road to fitness but not there yet, because then you’re just out of luck! I was about to launch into it in the dressing room, and that would have been bad, because Dick’s Sporting Goods would have lost money when all the ladies in the rooms next to me left the store to get away from the crazy lady.

Anyway. At the end of the day, I came away with a pair of leggings, a long-sleeved shirt, and a third shirt which I’m going to take back because I wasn’t making the best decisions since I was all in a tizzy. A tizzy, I say!

So I’m about to grab a snack and knit some Jayne hats while I wait for it to warm up a little. Wish me luck – the cold and I are not friends, but I’m going to persevere!